What Happens When Love Comes to Stay

What happens when love comes to stay.

I’m not sure how she got in. I think it was through an open window, but she sneaked in and made herself at home.

Self-loathing was her name. She was a large presence; she filled up most of any space.

She would show me all my flaws. Telling me I needed to be thinner, younger, fitter. I could never please her.

Soon, her close relative, ‘comparison’, barged her way in.

At least she sat quietly in a corner most days, but when I let her speak, she had an incredibly loud voice. Comparison would let me see how good other people were. She would remind me that they wrote better than me. She would whisper, “Maybe you are not good enough”

 

‘Jealousy’ would peek through the window and rattle the letterbox.

I remained determined that she would stay locked out. I found her to be so intense and ugly that I didn’t want her to get in.

Another visitor whom I welcomed in, as I thought she would help me find favour with God and others, was ‘striving.’

She was like a Sergeant Major. I became permanently exhausted as I tried to keep up with her many demands.

From morning until night, I would do, do, do, trying to please others and hoping I was pleasing God. Striving would make me believe that I was not doing enough or was not spiritual enough. I felt like she gave me an invisible whip that I would daily beat myself with.

 

Then one day, there was a gentle tap on the door. I almost missed it as it was so quiet.

I walked wearily to the door and opened it; there stood love.

I was overwhelmed by the light and radiance of his face.

I opened the door and dumbfoundedly let him in.

Love walked in quietly, unlike the others. He didn’t take over. He waited to see where I wanted him to be.

I led him to a seat, and he sat down. I was drawn to his warmth, so I sat with him. He took my hand. I felt peace for the first time.

The light that radiated from him was so bright it penetrated self-loathing, and I saw her scurrying away.

Striving quickly tried to hide her face from him, but soon love won, and she left, banging the door behind her.

Comparison was nowhere to be seen. She must’ve left as soon as love arrived.

 

We sat awhile together; there was no need for words. It was like he enjoyed my company.

I quickly let go of his hand and stood up thinking, where are my manners? I should prepare a meal or at least give him a drink. He didn’t reach for my hand or tell me to sit back down. Instead, I felt such overwhelming love pouring into me that it overtook my need to serve him. I turned around and walked towards him. I slumped back down, and I leaned against him.

He smiled at me, wrapped his arms around me and said, “Let me love you”

I didn’t feel suffocated; I felt safe.

 

Now Love lives with me permanently. He’s an amazing friend, counsellor, and protector

He sees who comes knocking at my door, and with one look, I know not to let everyone in.

Striving is a persistent visitor, trying every which way to get back in.

Love reminds me of what I was like when she lived with me and not him.

Every day, living with Love grows better and better.

I’m so grateful that I didn’t ignore his gentle tapping at my door.